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Trip Report Avoid Sandals Resort in St Lucia

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What a disappointment. My Wife and I had saved for a while knowing we were going to retire and than take a GREAT trip to the Sandals resort in St Lucia. Using our hard earned savings we went ahead and booked a two week stay. Buyers beware. The resort is on the opposite end of the island. The resort sent a six person van to pick us up for an hour and 20 minute drive back. For us it was the ride from hell. The driver made only one two-minute stop to point out a fishing village about a mile away. We never were asked to exit the van which had a very poor air conditioning system. The driver said if he was quick enough he could go back to the airport and get a second group. In and out of our one lane, fast than slow, stop and go, it was like a never ending roller coaster ride. I can not explain how sick I got half way to the resort. The only concern the driver offered was to allow me to move from the hot back of the van to the front passenger seat. When we finally arrived I simply could not get myself out of that seat. I had to just sit there to gather enough where-with-all to exit the van. I was surprised he approached me for a tip. Well we made the best of it and decided the fun now begins.
Our room was booked for a view of the ocean. Our sliding glass door, which was broken, afforded us a view that was as least sixty percent blocked with over growth. The view from our ground level room where we tried to see the ocean revealed a barren stretch of empty water. And that was beyond the resort fence, highway, and rocky shore line. Well forget that, it's now time to have fun. Forget the light that did not work or the mattress that was hard and stained. You know all those FIVE-STAR restaurants that a guest can expect to enjoy while at the resort well ya better be sure to get in line as soon as you get out of the van because it's reservations only. There are only limited reservations and if you snooze you loose. Funny how there remained many empty tables when we dined. Oh and if you wanted to visit ALL the restaurants you had to book at two other Sandals resorts because that's the only way to see them all. If you would like to enjoy wine from the wine list THAT'S EXTRA!! You get the invoice the next day under your door. The pulled pork meal at the pool side snack bar is chewy one inch cubes of meat. Not sure they understand the phrase "pulled pork".
Off to the beach we would go only to be swarmed be venders who would not take "No!" for an answer. So we had to remain on the resort property where the free liquor flowed like water. Speaking of water I went home with a massive infection across my back from the hot tub I ventured into three days before leaving. Before departing the resort I made a visit to the medical services office. The nurse treated me with something on my back and advised that I see a dermatologist as soon as I get back home. But I'm getting ahead of myself. On the night cherry bombs went off outside out ocean view glass doors. I jumped out of bed to make sure our door was secure. Silly me it was only drunk guest above our room setting them off and dropping them in the grass. It's funny how the law is different in different countries. The clerk at the front desk informed us that in St Lucia all explosives are indeed explosives and that's against the law. We were informed that later on the unruly guest were escorted to the island jail which also serves as the island prison. That night also offered another grand event for guest to talk about the next morning. And I am not kidding. Some guy got shot, yes I mean with a gun, on the beach just outside the resort. Either the guy who got shot was in a high ranking government car or the guy who did the shooting was in a high ranking government boat, I can't remember which. A few days later an all night party at the other side of the resort, where a world class volley-ball event was taking place, the promoters made good use of a VERY large amplifier system. Swimming and wading in the pools was great. It had to be because that's all there was to do. Well that and drinking all the free booze one could get and hold down. One poor girl could not hold it down and alas the main pool had to be closed for twenty four hours. It did occur to us that the pool was full of guest who drank to their hearts content but never seemed to leave for a nature call. I am a little on the heavy side but not as heavy as the poor folks who broke through the two rotted wooden deck recliner seats we encountered. Now for the LIVE entertainment. If one man shows with a guitar amplifier like the one I used in high school is your cup of tea you will be in show time heaven. After a week of laying around the pool we came to realized we were sort of in a prison, nothing to do and nowhere to go. So we called a cab and were off to visit the local community. Enough said there, caught a cab back. Our two week stayed ended with us paying for a private cab ride back to the airport. Five-star resort my @**!
Kenny and Christine

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